successful, at what cost?

General Thought. Retrospective thinking could be a double-edged sword; a headlight for future scenarios or an emotional ditch. The part of the sword you experience largely depends on you. Did you see it as an opportunity to do better when a similar situation arises, or were you unable to pull yourself out of the regret phase?

Success. I exist in a part of reality where the need to become has (un)fortunately become an everyday task. This results in sleeping less and finding myself in front of my laptop more often. From the outside, this looks like a lot; "that's a lot of time you're spending working," people say. But from where I stand, none of it registers as cost. In fact, it's fun! The outcome of it is abstract, and it's quantitatively impossible to measure.

Cost. A new fear has now been unlocked. What if I am able to quantitatively measure success, eventually make it, and I'm unable to forgive myself for not extending grace and being kind enough to my younger self going through the journey? Will I be able to recognize that the harsh judgment of my younger self brought me to the point of having those thoughts?